Richard Cooper 2003

Birthday Russagrams

A message posted to The Kraken on 04/02/2003

Dear Russ,

Many happy returns, and I hope you have a much less chaotic day than I'm about to have.

Partly in honour of a dear friend who lurks on the Kraken and loves anagrams, but mostly because I was feeling cheeky, I entered your name into Brendan's Online Anagram Generator to see what it had to say. It returned no less than 1,186 results. The following are some of my favourites, together with their unofficial Hoban links:

ALL BUSES HORN (Harold Klein watch out!)

LARSON BUSHEL (American publishing mogul written out of Turtle Diary; big businessman who never hides his light. In an early draft, offered Naeara D. big contract to write airport blockbuster.)

ROSA BUSHNELL (girl dated briefly by Roswell Clark at high school.)

USA-BORN'S HELL (headline of News of the World exclusive; sub-headline runs, "I WAS ROBBED IN MAD MAX 3 DEAL COMPLAINS LONDON WRITER".)

BULL NOSE RASH (one of Harold Klein's less-well-documented infirmities.)

SHALL RUB NOSE (because of the bull nose rash.)

SEA-SHRUB NOLL (a rare creature that lives on vegetation in the ocean under the ocean.)

SEAN ROLLBUSH (a minor character in Riddley Walker dropped from an early draft for smoking too much hash.)

SALERNO BLUSH (a theatrical set designer, the most recent of Luise von Himmelbett's lost lovers that Herman Orff has bumped into.)

ORLEANS BLUSH (a shade of lipstick used by Amaryllis.)

NO HASSLE, BURL (Russ's response to Milton's request to write a few jokes for his new act. I know it's spelt Berle but what the hell.)

BRASS HOE NULL (well, it's almost "Brass Hotel".)

BAN HELLO, RUSS (Mr Hoban, you have to say "Hi" or "Greetings" instead from now on.)

BARONESS HULL (rich, titled, portly, fifty-something Fulham resident from unfinished short story.)

RON SABLE-LUSH (original surname of Peter Diggs's art student Ron Hastings, but decided unsuitable for character; later considered for crapulous antiques dealer in The Bat Tattoo who keeps trying to touch up Sarah Varley at Covent Garden Market before being beaten up by Roswell Clark, but scene cut by Bloomsbury editor for being too similar to William G/Sandor fisticuff action in Turtle Diary. Pending legal enquiries, may yet make appearance as art critic in Her Name Was Lola.)

I shall now get on the Tube.

Best wishes and awl apologies,

Richard Cooper

(a.k.a. Cheap Corridor)